As it turns out, both of my kids were crying. No one is going to nap. I'm calmer now. And I hate my children a little less than I did an hour ago. One of my readers sent me this. I laughed for the first time in 36 hours (thanks, Nicole).
http://thehonesttoddler.com/recipes/p.s. My daughter is now eating Chex. In a bowl she picked out. While watching Up. It is very quiet. Thank you.