Nanny 911

I'm firing our second nanny today. I cannot believe I'm here dealing with nanny bullshit again. My husband calls this whole time period Nannygate. I don't find him amusing.



Our nanny Laurie has been with our family since the babies were three weeks old. She is amazing. She goes above and beyond every time she is here. The kids love her. She's honest, hardworking and genuine. She's become as much of a friend as she's been an employee.



When Laurie first started working with our kids she was a nursing student who had a practicum at one of the local hospitals in the PACU. Her schedule was still pretty flexible. After she graduated in May she got a full time job working in a different hospital's NICU and she's on the night shift (7 p.m. to 7 a.m.) which means that she's not as available as she used to be. On a good week I can get her here three days, and on a not so good week I can only have her one day.



If I could only have Laurie, I would be a very happy girl.



Earlier this year I started freelancing out of my home. I picked up two clients between June and September and they gave me about 5-10 hours worth of work per week. But the work wasn't always consistent. In September I reached out to a friend of mine who owns a PR company and asked her if she new anyone that was looking for freelancers. About a week later I was brought on board with her company and it's been a great experience so far.



I'm working 15 hours per week, from home. It's given me a break from the babies and has really helped me feel like a person again. The work is right up my alley and I love the freedom of managing my schedule. What I have not loved is finding childcare for my kids. I cannot believe how untrustworthy and unreliable some people can be. I have a ton of guilt over this. Why am I choosing to work instead of staying at home?



If I'm being honest, working has made me a better mother. I'm more patient. I value my time with the babies more. And my time with them is focused just on them, whereas before I was on my phone or on the internet a lot more.



Staying at home is hard, you kind of start to loose your mind a little. Or at least I did. But I never wanted to be dealing with so much childcare craziness and frankly I'm overwhelmed.



I have a meeting tomorrow with one of my clients and part of that meeting will be a discussion of the workflow and assignments over the coming months. My hope is that I can fall a little more behind the scenes with writing and research. If that is a possibility, I can wake up at 5 a.m. and I'll have two hours to work each morning before the babies get up. Then I can just have Laurie come when she can so I can make calls and pitch during business hours.



It would be great to find another nanny who could come 1-2 days per week so I can get more done during the day, but I don't know if I have it in me to look again. Interviewing these people is a second full-time job. And honestly, I'm starting to question my own judgement right now.



If you have in-home care, any advice is welcome - be it advice on how you manage your manage your nanny, your work set up or how you found her. I'm drowning in mom guilt and frustration.